They Say It Fades If You Let It

An hour and a half of trying to download the second brilliant paper of "Safe passages to adulthood" and I am sick of it. I love that my job entails exploring and teaching difficult topics and awkward life stages. It brings about powerful conversations with the staff and the participants. Together we examine what culture tells us, what is reality, what is right. It is hard, but once we start it really is fun.
But today it itsn't. Today the internet keeps disconnecting when I get half of the thing downloaded. It would be frustrating if I wasn't messing around in the meantime, reading random blogs and listening to Brazilian music. Today I just don't care about this work I am normally so passionate about.
It's Ok. I don't really have to work today. I woke up at 4:30 this morning to say goodbye to Ali. She was off on the BA flight to Toronto. I missed her at breakfast and at lunch. At her desk where she no longer looks up from her copy editing when I still pop my head in her door on my way to the bathroom. Tonight I'll have to cook dinner AND do the clean up. I miss her. It's not that I want her back; she has an amazing life to get on with in Toronto. But I do reserve the right to be sad, mopey over the tragedy that my really great friends tend to be temporary, and email friendships just are not the same. For today I'm going to be sad, whine when the internet doesn't work and use that as an excuse to not be productive.